Tourist | Postmortem
Content warning for discussion of depression and suicide.
Two nights ago, I decided I would arbitrarily pick a day to celebrate finishing Tourist. So, tonight, I am going to celebrate exactly that, even if I technically posted the final chapter a couple weeks ago. I don’t know if I’m happy with the serial as a whole, but finishing any decently-sized project is worth celebration. We all need to be proud of the things we do achieve.
Tourist began with a thought: how would another person experience depression and asexuality if they were to suddenly find themselves in my brain and body? I had lived with depression for so long that I had grown used to it. I’d forgotten how much all of us with mental illness fight to exist every day. That realization hit me hard as I showered in my best friend’s bathroom, staring up at the bright blue sky through a skylight.
I dried myself off and quickly opened Keep—as I do—to scribble down my idea. I wasn’t exactly looking for a new serial project after finishing Mountain Sound, Tourist just kind of came to me. A very different sort of story to Mountain Sound, which had been something I’d been thinking about for a few years before starting. Tourist would be first person, have a bigger cast, a more complex mystery, and would be leaning more YA. I knew from the start how the story would resolve and very quickly figured out an outline with key events and brief descriptions for characters: the AI, the Original, the Best Friend, the Girlfriend, the Sister, the Sad Girl, and the Douche. Audrey came in a little later as a character, so she never ended up with a nickname.
I was like, “Oh yeah, this is easy, I can churn this out with no problems.” Haha, oh, how naive we all are when we begin a new project! My outline for Tourist was finished very early 2016. I finally posted the final chapter (the epilogue) in October 2018. What happened? What went wrong? How the hell could I screw up my own plans so terribly?
Blog Squadron – Mission #6: Sharing and Social Media
Blog Squadron is a series of posts from a handful of Star Wars bloggers sharing insight into how we got started blogging, what inspires us, how we succeed at our goals, and our approaches to blogging and writing. We hope that by sharing our knowledge, we can help others join us as Star Wars bloggers, and make it easier for newer fans to write about their love. Join us as we discuss sharing content, building audiences, and how social media has helped us as bloggers.
Blogmatis Personae
(Or, who the heckie are all these awesome bloggers?)
Matt Applebee: Far, Far Away Radio.com
Jessie Stardust: TatooineDreams.com (Personal Blog, mostly Star Wars flavored) and PassionatelyCasual.com (Star Wars: The Old Republic podcast site.)
Patty Hammond: I currently write for my own EverydayFangirl.com and also for The Future Of The Force, StarWars.com and TheBeardedTrio.com. I have previously wrote for The Cantina Cast and The Detroit News Geek Watch Blog.
Bryan: I’ve posted on a few blogs along the way, but I’m exclusively on hyperspacepodblast.comnowadays.
Sophie: My personal blog is outerrimreviews.wordpress.com where I am chronicling my journey through the Star Wars Expanded Universe. I also write articles for farfarawayradio.com
Johnamarie Macias: TheWookieeGunner.com
Saf: I write sporadically for ToscheStation.net, MakingStarWars.net, and TheWookieeGunner.com. I also write about Star Wars on my own site, NotSafForWork.com.
Medication Can Be Good, Actually
Content warning: suicide, depression, death.
What a fuckin’ shocker.
Before I get into this, I want to make it clear that I am not a medical professional in any way. This is just my (very) personal experience. Got it?
Good.
I was raised in an environment that was negative about modern medicine. I was made to skip school so I wouldn’t get vaccinated, my pleas for a diagnosis of asthma fell upon deaf ears, and I imagine discussion about medication for mental illness was so far off the table it might as well have been flying into the sun. As a pretty sick kid, I was always told that I should eat more spinach, or do yoga, or shine yellow light on myself, or follow what-fucking-ever the new-age health mags were saying.
And because I was young, I wanted to believe my parents when they said these things would help. Then I looked at my friends, who went to doctors and hospitals and had prescribed medication for their bad flus and infections and other ailments, and I got that strange sense you get as a kid, when you start to think, Why is my family so different?
Look At Me Talk About Things
Hey all!
I’ve been a little (a lot) absent from my site (and other places) for the past month and a half for a couple specific reasons: travel, health, and organizing podcast things. I went to Canada, USA, Wellington, Australia, and then came home to be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It’s been an intense few weeks! But more on that stuff later.
For now, here are the recordings of the talks and panels I did while travelling and some little write-ups about the events I was lucky enough to experience. Travelling for a month and being accepted to speak at multiple events was a huge privilege, and though I’m paying for it now with my health, I wouldn’t have had April any other way.
Play By Play
Open Call for Podcast Pitches
Anyone who’s been following me for a while probably knows I’ve been working my way slowly towards starting my own podcasting network, one that supports diverse voices and gives a platform to those who might struggle to get one otherwise.
Well, it’s finally happening, and I’m now accepting pitches. Aspiring podcaster? Total newbie with a cool idea? Someone with a lot to say, but nowhere to say it? I’m looking for you!
Why are you doing this?
Look, I love podcasting. It’s probably my favourite thing, and I wouldn’t be where I am now without people taking chances on me and giving me space to grow. I want to do that for others, especially for people from diverse backgrounds who may struggle to find opportunities like the ones I was given.
Is this a Star Wars thing?
No, I don’t plan on this being a Star Wars network. I’m already part of three awesome networks in the Star Wars community and I don’t want to make my own. I want to create a space for podcasts about topics that their hosts are passionate about. If some of them end up being about Star Wars, then that’s totally fine.
Is this going to be part of Not Saf for Work?
Yes, it’s going to fall under the umbrella of my personal site. Whether or not the name will reflect that is TBC.
Is there a deadline?
I don’t particularly intend on closing up submissions for the near future, but ideally I would want submissions by the end of February so I can start aiming for a launch date.
How do I pitch?
Email me at notsaffornetwork[at]gmail with the subject like “Podcast pitch” (or something similar, if you’re feeling creative).
What I want:
- Who you and any co-hosts are
- A short run-down of your podcast idea
- How often you’d want to release (weekly, fortnightly, monthly, etc.)
- How comfortable you are to edit your own podcast
- Any previous podcasting/speaking experience you may have
- Optional: a short clip with you and your potential co-hosts discussing something. I basically want to hear your chemistry as a team
Your pitch doesn’t need to be super formal in any way. Don’t worry about writing the perfect email, I want to hear your voice and your ideas.
Can I ask more questions?
Yes! Feel free to email me at the above address, or hit me up in my Twitter (@wanderlustin) DMs to ask any questions, or to simply bounce ideas off of me.
2016: A Year in Photos
2016 was a massive year of travel, writing, getting into game development professionally, and taking my health seriously. There were a lot of ups and downs, almost more than any other year of my young life, and I have way too much to say about way too many things.
So, instead of words, I’m going to let photos do the talking. From both my phone and my DSLR, here’s a year of photos that sums up a lot of my 2017.
Photos below!
Where are the Women?: A Star Wars Story
Warning for Rogue One spoilers.
For how much we commended Lucasfilm on its great strides towards gender diversity since The Force Awakens, I think a lot of us forgot to look more closely at Rogue One until it was already out. Not everyone—god knows I been pointing out the severe lack of women since last year alongside some friends—but enough. After Phasma, Rey, Maz and Leia, and the diverse background characters in The Force Awakens, perhaps it was too easy to become complacent. Too easy to believe that once we’d taken that step forward, it was impossible to fall behind again.
Well, apparently fuckin’ not, because Rogue One barely even tries, if I’m completely honest. The tough-white-brunette-as-lead doesn’t really make up for a distinctive lack of other women anymore—not that it ever should have. As much as Rogue One seemed to want to cling to some Star Wars traditions, the sole-white-female-heroine-among-men is one that should have been thrown right out with the opening crawl (though I remain forever broken-hearted at the lack of the crawl).
Especially when the ancillary material is working more than it ever has to create a diverse galaxy, introducing women like Admiral Rae Sloane, Doctor Aphra, Cienna Ree, Shara Bey, Brand, Sabine Wren, and even more amazing women who veer away from the typical Star Wars films’ leading lady. I would give anything to see any of these women, or women like them, on the big screen, and it’s disappointing to watch Rogue One fail when so many other stories within the universe succeed. Especially because I know Star Wars can do better. Especially because I love Rogue One as much as I do.
Short fiction commissions
Do you like words? Do you like words written for you? If so, you’re in luck, because I’m opening up short fiction commissions for the first time! It’s like art, but with words.
What does this mean? Well, it means that you can pay me to write something for you. Examples of my writing include my two serials, my fanfiction (don’t judge my subject matter!), and a short story I wrote last year.
What I will write: A lot of stuff. I’m most proficient with science fiction and first person present, but I can adapt to any style/POV/tense with relative ease, and am comfortable in a range of genres. What do you want? Let’s talk, I’m up for experimenting!
What I won’t write:
- Explicit sex scenes/explicit physical intimacy
- Super-explicit violence
- Hateful content
- Fandoms I have 0 knowledge in
- Extended fight scenes (if you want an all-action story, I’m the wrong gal!)
- A script
- Ongoing stories (AKA multi-chapter)
But how much????
- 1000 words: $30 USD
- Under 5000 words: $35 USD
- Under 10,000 words: $50 USD
- Under 15,000 words: $65 USD
- Anything over 15,000 words will be charged my hourly writing rate.
- I do write for games, but game writing will generally be charged my hourly rate. This can be up to negotiation depending on what you’re wanting.
If you’re interested, hit me up at [email protected] with your ideas, or your questions! Patrons on Patreon will get preference for commission slots.
Forget it All
Brief warning: this is a very deeply personal post.
There’s a certain sense of betrayal that comes of learning your brain and your body aren’t working as they should. You go on for a long time assuming that your issues aren’t any kind of disorder, they’re just you not trying hard enough. Why would you think otherwise? Why would anyone think otherwise, when there’s nothing visible to show that’s not the truth?
I spent my entire childhood and early adulthood floundering, struggling against an invisible mental block that held me back while my peers leapt ahead. I’ve always been ditzy, forgetful, and easily distracted, finding myself unable to handle what should be easy tasks. For a long time I fought against my own body, trying to reach a potential everyone told me I had, but I couldn’t actually see.
And then, early this year, I was given an answer in the form of a diagnosis. A clear, definable name for a disorder that has plagued me for over twenty years:
Turns out I have ADHD.
Experience, Empathy, and Robin
The first time I saw Robin as a work in progress, I was struck almost speechless. A cute little indie game is right up my alley, and a cute little indie game about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is basically everything I’ve ever wanted. Even better: it’s made by a group of kiwi students who are the sweetest.
Robin’s main mechanic is based off of the Spoon Theory, a common way for chronically ill people to explain their limited energy reserves: as you make Robin perform actions, her energy bar empties until the only option is sleep. It’s simple but effective, and evocative of daily life for someone with Chronic Fatigue. A rapidly depleting energy bar is a part of life for us, not just a game mechanic.
However, though chronically ill people may find their lives reflected in some form in Robin, I suppose we must ask the question: can a game ever actually help able people empathize with those who are chronically ill? Can a game really make someone understand in a way that positively changes their thought patterns?
Yeah, probably.
